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Saturday, April 24, 2021

Make Life Less Difficult or Make Life Easier? Choosing Words Carefully

The Victorian writer George Eliot - whose real name was Mary Anne Evans - asks:

"What do we live for, if it is not to make life less difficult for each other?"


If we think about Eliot's question - which is really an admonition - we see making life less difficult for others is the foundation of every successful business, every religion, and every act of loving kindness. It is the glue that holds together families, communities, and even nations.

Note: Listen to the companion podcast for this blogpost below.

Framing Eliot's Question in a More Powerful Way


As powerful as Eliot's admonition is, I invite you to consider whether it can be framed in a more positive and even more powerful way. The words, "less difficult", presuppose that life is difficult, life is hard. The best we can do is make life, "less difficult"

Yes, there are aspects of life that are difficult. But there are also aspects of life that can be enjoyable, fun, and joyful. 


An Invitation to Make Life Easier


Eliot invites us to help others by making their lives less difficult. I invite you to help others by making their lives easier. 

When we focus on "less difficult" we're looking at the, "Life is Difficult" continuum. This continuum goes from difficult near the point of impossibility to difficult, but doable. Our mind is locked into the energy of "difficult".

Focusing our creativity and problem solving on making life "less difficult" may generate beneficial ways of helping others and ourselves. At the end of that effort, we've likely moved toward difficult but doable on the "Life is Difficult" continuum. That's good, but can we do better?

Here's a little experiment: say out loud or at least whisper these two statement and let your awareness settle into your body for four or five seconds after saying each statement.

"Make life less difficult."

"Make life easier."

Repeat these two statements again and really feel each one. Now, simply say,

"Difficult" 

and then say, 

"Easier".

How do the feelings differ? Which statement feels lighter and better?

I'll bet the, "Make life easier" statement feels better. I'll also bet if you enter into an idea generating process to identify ways of helping one other person, a group, a community, or even a nation, you'll create far more and better ideas when you're focused on, "Make life easier" rather than on, "Make life less difficult".


How to Use This Insight in Your Life


When looking toward changing circumstances or identifying opportunities for yourself or others, ensure you're framing the issue, challenge, or opportunity as simply and as positively as possible. For example, asking, "How can I get out of debt?" means you're focusing on debt. 

Asking, "How can I improve my financial situation?" or - even better -  "How can I create sustained financial abundance?", opens your idea generating mind to a far wider and better range of options.

When thinking about helping someone else who, for example, is suffering from a serious illness, ask, "In what ways can I help make life easier for her?" rather than, "How can I stop her suffering?"

On a neighborhood or community level, ask, "How can we create a safer community?" rather than, "How can we stop crime?".

The way we use words to craft the questions of life matters. Framing questions in a positive way opens the mind to richer, more powerful possibilities.


How Are You Using Questions to Create a Better Life?


How are you using questions to guide your life? I'd love to hear from you through my Twitter handle, @swcarter or by email.

Stephen Carter

Stress Solutions, LLC | www.EFT-MD.com | CarterMethod@gmail.com 


Copyright Stephen Carter. All rights reserved


Thursday, April 1, 2021

5 Powerful Ways to Let Go of Guilt

Photo credit: Pensive woman - Pixabay image
Guilt is a difficult emotion to experience. It can be triggered by something we did or said, but it can also arise from situations that are out of our control. Regardless of circumstances, it's vital for emotional wellbeing to let go of guilt.

Note: You can listen to the companion podcast episode at the bottom of the page. Click the arrow to play.

Letting go of guilt will allow you to live your life without worrying about what others think or how they might judge you. You deserve to live freely and without any regrets!


An Important Question to Start the Release Process

An important question to ask yourself whenever you’re feeling guilty is:
Did I really do something wrong or am I reacting to the fear of being judged by other people?
Allow yourself the necessary time to process this important question. If, after thinking about the question, you conclude what happened was either misunderstood or outside of your control, you’ve taken an important step toward letting go of a burden that isn’t truly yours to carry.

Determine What Actions - If Any - Are Needed

If you did do or say something you’re sorry for, ask yourself what actions do I need to take now? If an apology is warranted, waste no time in contacting whoever you need to contact, acknowledge your mistake, and say a heart-felt, “I’m sorry".


The person you offer your apology to may or may not be ready to accept your apology and forgive you for whatever mistake was made. Whether the person accepts your apology or not, recognize and tell yourself you did everything you could do to heal the relationship.


Another important question to ask is, “What did I learn from this situation and what will I do differently in the future?”.

This question directs your attention to where it belongs: this moment and the future.


What’s done is done. You’ve taken whatever action is necessary to rebuild the relationship and you’ve identified any lessons learned and charted a way of behaving ongoing.


The ultimate goal is self-forgiveness if you made a mistake or the acknowledgement that you did nothing wrong and proceeding accordingly.

How to Process and Release Guilt and Other Disempowering Thoughts and Feelings

Here are five ways to help you gain perspective and process thoughts and feelings that can arise when you’re feeling guilt:


Spend time in nature. Research tells us getting outside and spending time in nature is a powerful way to ground you physically and emotionally as you reconnect with Mother Earth. The Japanese name for this calming activity is called Forest Bathing. Forest Bathing can help you process challenging thoughts and feelings.


Journal your thoughts and feelings. The act of recording thoughts and feelings in a journal provides you the emotional space to explore beliefs and fears that may be behind or contributing to feelings of guilt. Give yourself permission to simply write whatever comes up for you during your journaling sessions.


Talk with a trusted confidant. Talk with a trusted confidant about the situation that gave rise to feelings of guilt. Remind the person you’re speaking with that his or her role is simply to listen without judgement. You’re not asking your confidant to validate your feelings or judgements. His or her role is to listen and ask questions if absolutely necessary to help clarify your thinking.


Apply Energy Psychology methods. Use one or more of the Energy Psychology techniques you’ll find on the https://www.FREA.support website to release disempowering emotions that may be present in the wake of a situation giving rise to feelings of guilt.


Get professional help if needed. If disempowering thoughts and feelings persist you may want to schedule one or more sessions with a professional practitioner.

What is in and Out of Your Control

Remember the important question we discussed earlier:
Did I really do something wrong or am I reacting to the fear of being judged by other people?

Remind yourself if the situation was out of your control, the appropriate decision is acknowledge that fact and move forward free of guilt and other disempowering emotions.

Recap of Five Ways to Process and Release Guilt and Other Disempowering Emotions

  • Spend time in nature;

  • Journal thoughts and feelings;

  • Talk with a trusted confidant;

  • Apply Energy Psychology methods available at https://www.FREA.support;

  • Get professional help if needed.

Remember, the ultimate goal is self-forgiveness if you made a mistake or the acknowledgement that you did nothing wrong and proceeding accordingly.


Stephen Carter, CEO of Stress Solutions, LLC.

Direct comments or questions to CarterMethod@gmail.com.

Thursday, March 11, 2021

Picture Perfect Breathing for Fast Stress Relief


If you've experienced one or more traumatic events or you are prone to chronic stress, it’s important to engage in self-care activities including monitoring stress levels and taking steps to neutralize stress before it becomes overwhelming.

In this blogpost and companion podcast episode, you’ll discover a simple, effective breath technique you can use anytime to lower stress and create a sense of relaxation and calm.
Picture Perfect Breathing

Applying Picture Perfect Breathing (PPB) for 60 seconds or more allows mind and body to let go of tension and disempowering thoughts as your brain and body are refreshed and renewed.


With only one to two minutes of Picture Perfect Breathing, you'll be ready to engage in whatever activities are at hand feeling great. Engaging in PPB periodically throughout the day is a great way to maintain a sense of calm and control.


One important item: If you have asthma, COPD, or other breathing or lung problem, please talk with your doctor before doing Picture Perfect Breathing.
Here Are the Steps for Picture Perfect Breathing

  • Begin with a yawn, sigh, and stretch. Really give it a good stretch, sigh, and yawn even if you don't feel like yawning.

  • Choose a framed picture (preferably a picture of a calming scene), a doorway, or even your computer monitor or laptop screen. You'll be using the corners of your focus object and moving from corner to corner as you breathe.

  • Allow your gaze to focus on the lower left corner of your focus object. Allow a gentle, unstrained focus. As you gaze at the lower left corner, inhale for the count of 5, which represents about 5 seconds.

  • Gently hold your breath as you shift your gaze to the upper left corner of your focus object and count to 5.

  • Shift your gaze to the upper right corner of your focus object and exhale gently through pursed lips for the count of 5.

  • Shift your gaze to the lower right corner of your focus object as you relax into the empty breath sensation for the count of 5. If you feel an urge to breathe before reaching 5, go ahead and do so. With just a few times through the process, you will likely feel comfortable mindfully allowing the empty breath sensation to simply be for the count of 5.

Take one or more normal breaths. and then repeat the process for a total of 3 to 5 cycles. Each cycle will take about 20 seconds (5 seconds at each of the 4 corners), so 3 cycles will take about a minute.


Finish with another good yawn, sigh, and stretch and then return to your activities refreshed and rejuvenated.
Guided Picture Perfect Breathing Experience

PPB was the featured technique in the episode linked below of the, "Easy Stress Cures" podcast. Simply click the white triangle on the podcast player below, listen to the episode, and experience the positive mind and body benefits waiting for you.




For more "Easy Stress Cures" podcast episodes visit the, “Mind Over Stress Show” website at http://MindOverStress.us. 


To learn about Stress Solutions, LLC and how to apply Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT) to dissolve stress and create empowering beliefs and a happier, more successful life, visit, https://www.EFT-MD.com.

Tuesday, August 25, 2020

Immediately Improve Your Mood With This Simple Action

To listen to this new, "Less Stress More Joy" podcast episode, click the player below or go to https://www.spreaker.com/episode/17670713




Can a Forced Smile Change Mood and Emotion?


A large meta study by researchers at the University of Tenn. and Texas A&M looked at 138 scientific studies with more than 11,000 participants to determine if facial expressions - including the simple smile - can affect mood and emotional state. 

The answer, "absolutely yes!"

Results may be short lived, but there are measurable changes in mood and emotion when you smile, frown, or scowl.


4 Easy Actions to Improve Emotional Wellbeing


This episode summarizes study findings and offers three easy actions to improve your emotional wellbeing.

They are:

  • Take periodic breaks throughout the day. Stop what you’re doing, sit or stand comfortably, and take take three comfortable breaths as you yawn, sigh, and stretch.
  • Smile! Smile whether you feel like smiling or not. Hold the smile for at least 15 to 20 seconds or more.
  • Say the word, “Peace” and allow the vibration of the word to flow through your body as you smile.
  • Again, breathe comfortably as you yawn, sigh, and stretch and smile again before returning to your activities. 


For more Stress Mastery methods visit the, “Mind Over Stress Show” website at http://MindOverStress.us. 

Stephen Carter



Stress Solutions, LLC | www.EFT-MD.com | Podcast: www.MindOverStress.us 



Here are study related links:

"The Key to Happiness? Just Smile Study Suggests"; https://www.studyfinds.org/key-to-happiness-smiling-more-frequently/

"A Meta-analysis of the facial feedback literature: Effects of facial feedback on emotional experience are small and variable"; https://psycnet.apa.org/doiLanding?doi=10.1037%2Fbul0000194