How to Build a Happiness Habit Despite Difficult Life Challenges

Here's an important truth about happiness: Any sense of satisfaction and happiness with goal achievement, the acquisition of a physical item, and other "wins" fades quickly. 

Why? The human brain did not evolve to keep you happy. It evolved to keep you alive. It scans constantly for threats, for what might go wrong, for what may be scarce. There's a constant drive to acquire more - more money, more food, more status. Most people's attention is scattered and shattered. When attention is focused, it's focused on trying to fill what your fear or ego tells you is missing.

Building Your Happiness Habit

If fear and ego drive our reactions, what is the antidote? The ability to be fully present as your default way of living. How can you do that?

Every day, pick one ordinary thing: Your coffee, the felt sense of water on your skin when you shower, savoring the taste of your food, a conversation where you are fully engaged, a walk in nature noticing the plants, listening to birds, feeling the breeze.  Begin by giving one experience every day your full attention. 

As a happiness habit bonus, each day identify one thing you're grateful for. Take time to experience that sense of gratitude.

Can You Grow Your Sense of Happiness?

In 2014, ABC News anchor Dan Harris wrote a book entitled "10% Happier". His tagline for the 2024 10th anniversary edition reads: 

"How I Tamed the Voice in My Head, Reduced Stress Without Losing My Edge, and Found Self-Help That Actually Works--A True Story - A Mindful Story". 

His book sold several hundred thousand copies and was a number one bestseller on the "New York Times" bestseller list.

The Magic of Compounding Happiness

The truth is, however, you don't need to be 10% happier every day. If you increase your sense of happiness by just one percent daily, thanks to compound interest, you're increasing your happiness by more than 3,600 percent or about 37 times your original base happiness level.

This compounding effect works in the opposite direction when you constantly notice what's wrong. You get more of what you notice, more of what you look for. 

It's All About Your Focus

When you focus on what's good, what is life-enriching, what is joyful, it feels like your life is filled with positivity. When you focus on what's wrong, what's missing, what isn't to your liking, your life is filled with negativity and unhappiness.

The Secret to Happiness

The secret: Mindfully attend to what creates a sense of gratitude, a sense of wonder, a sense of deep satisfaction with each present moment. Engage in this practice daily, and you'll experience an ever-growing compound sense of happiness.

How To Experience 3 Important Benefits of Breath Meditation

 

There are multiple benefits of practicing brief periods of breath meditation through your day. Potential benefits can include: 

• Reduced stress and anxiety;
• Improved focus and concentration; and,
  
• increased feelings of calm and relaxation.

Letting Go of Stress and Anxiety 

Taking stress and anxiety as an example, breath meditation can help reduce the stress response by calming the nervous system and promoting a state of relaxation. When you are stressed or anxious, the breath tends to become shallow and rapid. This rapid increase can exacerbate feelings of distress. 

By focusing on the breath and slowing down the breath, you can activate the body's relaxation response and reduce the physiological effects of stress, such as increased heart rate and blood pressure. This can help to quiet the mind and promote a sense of calm and relaxation. 

Additionally, as you engage in short periods of breath meditation, you're training the mind and brain to respond to stress in a more balanced and calm way. Like exercising a muscle, the more you practice breath meditation the stronger you're ability to stay calm in stressful situations grows.

Improved Focus and Concentration

Breath meditation can help improve focus and concentration by training your mind to become more present and attentive. When you focus attention on the breath, you typically reduce the constant stream of thoughts that can distract and clutter the mind. This can improve your ability to concentrate and focus on a single task or activity. This enhanced focus may also improve memory and learning. 

Additionally, the relaxed state of mind that is cultivated through breath meditation can also improve cognitive function and mental clarity. By regularly practicing breath meditation, you can develop the ability to maintain focus and concentration for longer periods of time.

Increasing Feelings of Calm and Relaxation

The physical sensations signaling a sense of calm and relaxation are palpable. Many people begin feeling these sensations after only 10 or 15 seconds of breath meditation. The calming sensations are felt because your mind and body are experiencing the powerful benefits of your breath meditation.

How to Practice a Simple Breath Meditation

Here are six steps to practice easy breath meditation:

• Find a comfortable seated position and close your eyes. Sit upright in a comfortable posture. One common description for a good meditation posture is to assume a dignified, but comfortable seated position. Both feet should be on the floor. You can also practice breath meditation while laying down or standing.

• Allow five or six comfortable breaths to help you relax and settle into the present moment.

• Focus your attention on the sensation of your breath as it moves in and out of your body. Notice the sensation of the air moving in through your nostrils and into your lungs, and then the feeling of your breath moving out of your body. Breathe in through your nasal passages for a count of about five seconds. When you exhale, imagine you're releasing your breath through a straw. Your exhalation will also be about five seconds.

• As you continue to breathe, try to keep your attention focused on the sensation of your breath. If your mind wanders, gently bring it back to your breath.

• Continue to focus on your breath for as long as you like. Breath meditations can be a few seconds or several minutes. You may find it helpful to use a timer or you can simply allow your subconscious to guide you when it's time to end each session.

• When it's time to finish your meditation, allow five or six gentle, loving in and out breaths as you gently open your eyes and return to regular activity when you're ready to do so.

Remember, the key to breath meditation is to focus your attention on the sensation of your breath. If your mind wanders, gently bring it back to your breath without judgment. 

Also, the suggested five seconds in and out breaths can be modified to shorter or longer periods. One common variation is to breathe in for four seconds and out for six seconds. For many people, this pattern can feel more calming than the five seconds in and out pattern due to how the longer exhalation period affects what's called the autonomic nervous system. Practice various patterns to find ones that work best for you.

Breath Meditation is Not a Substitute for Professional Care

Please remember, if you're experiencing psychological, emotional, or physical issues that require care by an appropriate licensed medical professional, please seek help accordingly. Breath meditation or any other type of meditation is not a substitute for professional care.

Putting in the Reps to Benefit From Breath Meditation

As with physical exercise, the more consistent your practice is over time, the more you'll benefit. With regular practice, breath meditation can help reduce stress and increase mindfulness, both of which can help you keep stress and anxiety low, improve your focus and concentration, and increase feelings of calm, wellbeing, and relaxation.

How to Create Powerful Affirmations to Support Wisdom Based Goals

In this post, we explore wisdom from the Dalai Lama XIV, specifically his guidance: 

 “In order to carry a positive action we must develop here a positive vision.” 

We also look at how to craft affirmations and make them truly yours. 

To illustrate how this can be done, we'll consider the powerful guidance from his Holiness the Dalai Lama and create two short, focused affirmations that could be used to incorporate his wisdom into our daily lives.

Every Statement Made in Mind and Out Loud is an Affirmation

Here is an important truth: Every statement you make in mind and out loud about yourself, to yourself, about other people, about circumstances in your life are all affirmations. Your our subconscious mind is always listening and a part of you believes everything you say. 

Your self-talk matters. 

Let’s again visit the Dalai Lama's guidance: 

 “In order to carry a positive action we must develop here a positive vision.” 

Create Affirmations to Achieve Wisdom Based Goals

What affirmations could you and I create to incorporate the Dalai Lama's guidance into our daily lives.

Suggested Affirmations:

Affirmation #1: 

 "I choose to create empowering visions that will inform my actions to move me in the direction of my highest good and the goals I am choosing to achieve." 

Affirmation #2: 

 "I choose to create powerful visions in big, bold technicolor and I choose to allow my actions to align with my highest good as I move toward my chosen goals." 

I encourage you to read aloud these suggested affirmations and then allow your subconscious awareness to assess each of these affirmations to determine if they resonate with you. After sitting with the affirmations, make whatever changes are needed so the affirmations align with your heart wisdom and highest good. 

Crafting Additional Affirmations

Also, if other affirmations come into awareness, write them down and incorporate them into your daily self-talk practice. One powerful model for creating affirmations is, 

 "I choose to ___________  so that  __________________."

Repeat your affirmations regularly throughout the day as you take the actions that align with your chosen goals. Really feel the energy of your affirmations and celebrate each success step, no matter how small, as you move toward completing your chosen goals. 

Help Creating Your Affirmations 

If you would like help crafting the exact affirmations and ongoing support you need to achieve the goals you want for yourself, email me at CarterMethod@gmail.com for a zero-cost, zero-obligation conversation about your specific situation.

Stephen Carter

Listen to the "Positive Word Power - Affirmations That Work" podcast at https://StressReliefRadio.com 

Host for Stress Relief Radio | https://StressReliefRadio.com | Email: CarterMethod@gmail.com

How to Apply Writer Stephen King's Powerful Secret for Success

Woman with outstretched arms at top of mountain

Note: Listen below to the companion podcast for this blogpost 

By any measure the famous writer Stephen King is a hugely successful author. He's sold more than 350 million books and counting. Several of his novels were adapted for major movies, TV, and even comic books. 

But there was a time when Stephen King the author wasn't an author. What was the magic secret that propelled him to fame and fortune?

The Power of Words

Before we dive into that question allow me to remind you about the power of words, something Stephen King knows a thing or two about. Your words really do matter. Words you say in mind, also called self-talk, and words you say out loud are all affirmations. 

Every statement you make about yourself, to yourself, about other people, and about circumstances in your life are affirmations. Your subconscious mind is always listening so it’s vital to choose positive words that empower your health, wealth, relationships and emotional wellbeing. 

Your self-talk, the words you consistently say within your mind and out loud, and the words you say to others, all matter. Empowering self-talk motives you to achieve what you were put in this world to achieve and the words you speak and write can inspire others to do the same. 

Stephen King's Guiding Wisdom

In, "On Writing: A Memoir of the Craft", King tells us the belief that led to his success:

"You can, you should, and if you’re brave enough to start, you will." 

What is King talking about? Goals: his goals; your goals; all goals.

Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway

Does it really take bravery to start? For most of us most of the time it absolutely takes bravery to reach outside of our comfort zone. 

Why? Fear. Fear of failure and perhaps fear of success. 

Yes, we can be afraid of success. There are many reasons why fear of success can occur. We can be worried about what others in our circle of family and friends will say if we achieve a significant goal, particularly if that goal relates to money. We can be afraid somehow, "I'll change; I'll become someone else; Who am I to achieve this goal?". 

What about fear of failure? Disempowering thoughts can arise such as, "What if I fail? I'm afraid people will ridicule me, laugh at me, judge me, if I fail. I'm afraid I'll judge myself as a loser. And I will be a loser!". 

Some of our fear of failure will be conscious and some will be subconscious. When going for a stretch goal, it's important to recognize you may experience subconscious resistance. 

If the goal speaks to your heart, to your highest values, if it's a 9 or 10 on a zero to 10 scale of desire, move forward one tiny step at a time. Feel the fear and do it anyway. 

Powerful Affirmations for Success

Here are my affirmation suggestions for you to consider: 

I choose to create and see in mind daily powerful images of what it will look like, sound like, and feel like when I achieve this goal. 

I choose to achieve this goal in tiny steps if necessary even if I experience subconscious or conscious resistance as long as this goal continues to speak to my heart and my highest values. 

To harness the essence of King's guidance, consider this as your key affirmation:

I choose to affirm, I can, I should, and I am brave enough to start now and to finish.

You Can Achieve Your Chosen Goals

The secret is to start and keep moving in the direction of your chosen new reality. Frequently voiced and written affirmations and reminding yourself of your big "Why" you are choosing to achieve your goal can keep you motivated and energized as you move step by step to success.

Click the triangle to listen.

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Stephen Carter is a FREA volunteer and CEO of Stress Solutions, LLC, a company dedicated to helping people enhance physical and emotional wellbeing through stress mastery using mind-body methods. He hosts the, "Positive Word Affirmations", "Easy Stress Cures", and "EFT Tapping Junction" podcasts. Steve can be reached by email at CarterMethod@gmail.com and through his website at https://www.EFT-MD.com.

Make Life Less Difficult or Make Life Easier? Choosing Words Carefully

The Victorian writer George Eliot - whose real name was Mary Anne Evans - asks:

"What do we live for, if it is not to make life less difficult for each other?"

If we think about Eliot's question - which is really an admonition - we see making life less difficult for others is the foundation of every successful business, every religion, and every act of loving kindness. It is the glue that holds together families, communities, and even nations.

Note: Listen to the companion podcast for this blogpost below.

Framing Eliot's Question in a More Powerful Way

As powerful as Eliot's admonition is, I invite you to consider whether it can be framed in a more positive and even more powerful way. The words, "less difficult", presuppose that life is difficult, life is hard. The best we can do is make life, "less difficult". 

Yes, there are aspects of life that are difficult. But there are also aspects of life that can be enjoyable, fun, and joyful. 

An Invitation to Make Life Easier

Eliot invites us to help others by making their lives less difficult. I invite you to help others by making their lives easier. 

When we focus on "less difficult" we're looking at the, "Life is Difficult" continuum. This continuum goes from difficult near the point of impossibility to difficult, but doable. Our mind is locked into the energy of "difficult".

Focusing our creativity and problem solving on making life "less difficult" may generate beneficial ways of helping others and ourselves. At the end of that effort, we've likely moved toward difficult but doable on the "Life is Difficult" continuum. That's good, but can we do better?

Here's a little experiment: say out loud or at least whisper these two statement and let your awareness settle into your body for four or five seconds after saying each statement.

"Make life less difficult."

"Make life easier."

Repeat these two statements again and really feel each one. Now, simply say,

"Difficult" 

and then say, 

"Easier".

How do the feelings differ? Which statement feels lighter and better?

I'll bet the, "Make life easier" statement feels better. I'll also bet if you enter into an idea generating process to identify ways of helping one other person, a group, a community, or even a nation, you'll create far more and better ideas when you're focused on, "Make life easier" rather than on, "Make life less difficult".

How to Use This Insight in Your Life

When looking toward changing circumstances or identifying opportunities for yourself or others, ensure you're framing the issue, challenge, or opportunity as simply and as positively as possible. For example, asking, "How can I get out of debt?" means you're focusing on debt. 

Asking, "How can I improve my financial situation?" or - even better -  "How can I create sustained financial abundance?", opens your idea generating mind to a far wider and better range of options.

When thinking about helping someone else who, for example, is suffering from a serious illness, ask, "In what ways can I help make life easier for her?" rather than, "How can I stop her suffering?". 

On a neighborhood or community level, ask, "How can we create a safer community?" rather than, "How can we stop crime?".

The way we use words to craft the questions of life matters. Framing questions in a positive way opens the mind to richer, more powerful possibilities.

How Are You Using Questions to Create a Better Life?

How are you using questions to guide your life? I'd love to hear from you through my Twitter handle, @swcarter or by email.

Stephen Carter

Stress Solutions, LLC | www.EFT-MD.com | CarterMethod@gmail.com 

Copyright Stephen Carter. All rights reserved. 

5 Powerful Ways to Let Go of Guilt

Photo credit: Pensive woman - Pixabay image

Guilt is a difficult emotion to experience. It can be triggered by something we did or said, but it can also arise from situations that are out of our control. Regardless of circumstances, it's vital for emotional wellbeing to let go of guilt.

Note: You can listen to the companion podcast episode at the bottom of the page. Click the arrow to play.

Letting go of guilt will allow you to live your life without worrying about what others think or how they might judge you. You deserve to live freely and without any regrets!

An Important Question to Start the Release Process

An important question to ask yourself whenever you’re feeling guilty is:
Did I really do something wrong or am I reacting to the fear of being judged by other people?
Allow yourself the necessary time to process this important question. If, after thinking about the question, you conclude what happened was either misunderstood or outside of your control, you’ve taken an important step toward letting go of a burden that isn’t truly yours to carry.

Determine What Actions - If Any - Are Needed

If you did do or say something you’re sorry for, ask yourself what actions do I need to take now? If an apology is warranted, waste no time in contacting whoever you need to contact, acknowledge your mistake, and say a heart-felt, “I’m sorry".

The person you offer your apology to may or may not be ready to accept your apology and forgive you for whatever mistake was made. Whether the person accepts your apology or not, recognize and tell yourself you did everything you could do to heal the relationship.

Another important question to ask is, “What did I learn from this situation and what will I do differently in the future?”.

This question directs your attention to where it belongs: this moment and the future.

What’s done is done. You’ve taken whatever action is necessary to rebuild the relationship and you’ve identified any lessons learned and charted a way of behaving ongoing.

The ultimate goal is self-forgiveness if you made a mistake or the acknowledgement that you did nothing wrong and proceeding accordingly.

How to Process and Release Guilt and Other Disempowering Thoughts and Feelings

Here are five ways to help you gain perspective and process thoughts and feelings that can arise when you’re feeling guilt:

Spend time in nature. Research tells us getting outside and spending time in nature is a powerful way to ground you physically and emotionally as you reconnect with Mother Earth. The Japanese name for this calming activity is called Forest Bathing. Forest Bathing can help you process challenging thoughts and feelings.

Journal your thoughts and feelings. The act of recording thoughts and feelings in a journal provides you the emotional space to explore beliefs and fears that may be behind or contributing to feelings of guilt. Give yourself permission to simply write whatever comes up for you during your journaling sessions.

Talk with a trusted confidant. Talk with a trusted confidant about the situation that gave rise to feelings of guilt. Remind the person you’re speaking with that his or her role is simply to listen without judgement. You’re not asking your confidant to validate your feelings or judgements. His or her role is to listen and ask questions if absolutely necessary to help clarify your thinking.

Apply Energy Psychology methods. Use one or more of the Energy Psychology techniques you’ll find on the https://www.FREA.support website to release disempowering emotions that may be present in the wake of a situation giving rise to feelings of guilt.

Get professional help if needed. If disempowering thoughts and feelings persist you may want to schedule one or more sessions with a professional practitioner.

What is in and Out of Your Control

Remember the important question we discussed earlier:
Did I really do something wrong or am I reacting to the fear of being judged by other people?

Remind yourself if the situation was out of your control, the appropriate decision is acknowledge that fact and move forward free of guilt and other disempowering emotions.

Recap of Five Ways to Process and Release Guilt and Other Disempowering Emotions

• Spend time in nature;

• Journal thoughts and feelings;

• Talk with a trusted confidant;

• Apply Energy Psychology methods available at https://www.FREA.support;

• Get professional help if needed.

Remember, the ultimate goal is self-forgiveness if you made a mistake or the acknowledgement that you did nothing wrong and proceeding accordingly.

Stephen Carter, CEO of Stress Solutions, LLC.

Direct comments or questions to CarterMethod@gmail.com.