5 Powerful Ways to Let Go of Guilt

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Guilt is a difficult emotion to experience. It can be triggered by something we did or said, but it can also arise from situations that are out of our control. Regardless of circumstances, it's vital for emotional wellbeing to let go of guilt.

Note: You can listen to the companion podcast episode at the bottom of the page. Click the arrow to play.

Letting go of guilt will allow you to live your life without worrying about what others think or how they might judge you. You deserve to live freely and without any regrets!

An Important Question to Start the Release Process

An important question to ask yourself whenever you’re feeling guilty is:
Did I really do something wrong or am I reacting to the fear of being judged by other people?
Allow yourself the necessary time to process this important question. If, after thinking about the question, you conclude what happened was either misunderstood or outside of your control, you’ve taken an important step toward letting go of a burden that isn’t truly yours to carry.

Determine What Actions - If Any - Are Needed

If you did do or say something you’re sorry for, ask yourself what actions do I need to take now? If an apology is warranted, waste no time in contacting whoever you need to contact, acknowledge your mistake, and say a heart-felt, “I’m sorry".

The person you offer your apology to may or may not be ready to accept your apology and forgive you for whatever mistake was made. Whether the person accepts your apology or not, recognize and tell yourself you did everything you could do to heal the relationship.

Another important question to ask is, “What did I learn from this situation and what will I do differently in the future?”.

This question directs your attention to where it belongs: this moment and the future.

What’s done is done. You’ve taken whatever action is necessary to rebuild the relationship and you’ve identified any lessons learned and charted a way of behaving ongoing.

The ultimate goal is self-forgiveness if you made a mistake or the acknowledgement that you did nothing wrong and proceeding accordingly.

How to Process and Release Guilt and Other Disempowering Thoughts and Feelings

Here are five ways to help you gain perspective and process thoughts and feelings that can arise when you’re feeling guilt:

Spend time in nature. Research tells us getting outside and spending time in nature is a powerful way to ground you physically and emotionally as you reconnect with Mother Earth. The Japanese name for this calming activity is called Forest Bathing. Forest Bathing can help you process challenging thoughts and feelings.

Journal your thoughts and feelings. The act of recording thoughts and feelings in a journal provides you the emotional space to explore beliefs and fears that may be behind or contributing to feelings of guilt. Give yourself permission to simply write whatever comes up for you during your journaling sessions.

Talk with a trusted confidant. Talk with a trusted confidant about the situation that gave rise to feelings of guilt. Remind the person you’re speaking with that his or her role is simply to listen without judgement. You’re not asking your confidant to validate your feelings or judgements. His or her role is to listen and ask questions if absolutely necessary to help clarify your thinking.

Apply Energy Psychology methods. Use one or more of the Energy Psychology techniques you’ll find on the https://www.FREA.support website to release disempowering emotions that may be present in the wake of a situation giving rise to feelings of guilt.

Get professional help if needed. If disempowering thoughts and feelings persist you may want to schedule one or more sessions with a professional practitioner.

What is in and Out of Your Control

Remember the important question we discussed earlier:
Did I really do something wrong or am I reacting to the fear of being judged by other people?

Remind yourself if the situation was out of your control, the appropriate decision is acknowledge that fact and move forward free of guilt and other disempowering emotions.

Recap of Five Ways to Process and Release Guilt and Other Disempowering Emotions

• Spend time in nature;

• Journal thoughts and feelings;

• Talk with a trusted confidant;

• Apply Energy Psychology methods available at https://www.FREA.support;

• Get professional help if needed.

Remember, the ultimate goal is self-forgiveness if you made a mistake or the acknowledgement that you did nothing wrong and proceeding accordingly.

Stephen Carter, CEO of Stress Solutions, LLC.

Direct comments or questions to CarterMethod@gmail.com.

Choosing the Right Mindset for This Stressful Time

With all of the uncertainty and fear around the coronavirus pandemic, how are you coping? Are you reacting with fear or responding with a plan?

Note: to listen to the, "Mind Over Stress" podcast covering how to choose the right mindset to get you through this challenging time, click the embedded podcast player below. The full blogpost follows.

As I write this post, the world is dealing with a massive coronavirus pandemic affecting directly more than a million people across the globe. Millions more are on various types of stay at home requirements.

There is a nonstop drumbeat of government and media messaging pointing to dire human and economic consequences. In the U.S., three years of stock market gains were wiped out in a matter of weeks. Schools are closed, toilet paper, milk, and an array other items have been stripped from store shelves. 

People are being laid off and many who continue to work are doing so from their homes. In the U.S., the federal government passed a $2.2 trillion relief package to help soften the economic blow.  There is talk that yet another round of relief money will be needed. It is a challenging time for all of us.

The Big Question: What Does This Mean for Me?

As with any major event, our brains are wired to ask, consciously or unconsciously, “What does this mean for me?”. 

Initially, we may react with a strong fear response because of confusion and uncertainty. 

After the initial shock, it's easy to enter into disempowered thinking patterns marked by thoughts such as, 

“ This can’t be happening. This is so unfair. Whose fault is this? How could ’they’ allow this to happen? I’m going to starve! I’m going to die. We’re all going to die!" ... and so forth. 

You have undoubtedly seen posts on social media founded on fear and blame.  

Let's Look at the Bigger COVID-19 Picture

I encourage you to look at the bigger picture of the coronavirus situation. This doesn’t mean ignoring or minimizing the impact, but it does mean looking beyond the headlines and social media noise.

As I write this post, the Johns Hopkins University Coronavirus Resource Center reports there are nearly 1.5 million reported cases world wide. Of those cases, there are nearly 82,000 deaths. 

In one positive glimmer of good news, nearly 275,000 people have recovered. 

The vast majority of those who died had underlying health problems before contracting COVID-19. Some health experts suggest there is larger number of people never tested who had the virus and recovered, making the recovery rate even higher.

It’s vital we continue taking needed precautions such as social distancing and other measures recommended by health officials. That’s simply common sense.

Why a Fear and Blame Mindset Makes a Difficult Situation Far Worse

This does not mean we need to be frozen in place or or stay stuck in a fear and blame reaction mindset. If we do that we loose the ability to make the best decisions we can make given the situation we face. 

Why? 

Because when the brain perceives danger, physiological changes happen to include redirection of blood away from those parts of the brain where conscious thinking and reasoning occur. In addition, our immune and healing systems can be weakened. These are the very systems we need to help us prevent or fight the COVID-19 virus.

How to Create a Response Mindset Rather than a Reaction Mindset

If you find yourself in a constant flow of disempowering fear and blame thinking, I encourage you to recognize what is happening. Stop, allow yourself to take a walk, engage in calm deep breathing, and decide to ask yourself a few empowering questions to create a response mindset rather than a stress reaction mindset. 

Say to yourself, 

"I recognize there are circumstances I can control, circumstances I may be able to influence, and circumstances beyond my control”. 

Early on, focus entirely on those circumstances you can control. Once you’ve made all the decisions and taken all the actions you can take in this first category, you can then consider those circumstances you may be able to influence. Give no thought or effort to circumstances beyond your control.

This in effect means you’re creating an action plan rather than reacting from a mindset of fear and blame.

Examples of a Response Mindset

As examples, in relation to the “circumstances I can control” category, you can take action to ensure you have an adequate supply of food and other essentials. Make a list of what’s on hand and then determine what’s needed. This does not, by the way, mean you should buy enough toilet paper for the next three years. Remember to include pet needs if that applies.

The next item on your action plan might be having calm, supportive conversations with your children and perhaps others in your extended family. With children, reassure them we are going to get through this situation. 

Listen to any fears they express in a supportive way, and again reassure them we will get through the situation. 

Talk to your children about how they're doing with school work and how they will continue to learn as we get through this challenging period. 

Remind them about the importance frequent hand washing and of social distancing when they’re outside.

Item 3 of your plan may be to make arrangements to create or improve an appropriate work at home environment if that applies. If you’ve been laid off, your next step may be to apply for unemployment or otherwise make necessary financial decisions to help you through the coming weeks.

I suggest you create a written plan and adjust the plan as circumstances change. 

Summary of Stress Reduction Suggestions

• Choose a response mindset rather than a reaction mindset;
• Keep stress as low as possible to ensure you’re at your best in brain, mind, and body;
• Recognize what you can control and what is out of your control;
• Focus on decisions and actions within your control;
• Create a written plan - even if that is only done in short bullet point fashion - and adjust your plan, decisions, and actions as circumstances evolve.

In summary, I encourage you to choose a response mindset rather than a reaction mindset. 

It’s vital to keep stress as low as possible to ensure you’re at your best in brain, mind, and body. 

Recognize what you can control and what is out of your control. Focus on decisions and actions within your control with a written plan you adjust as circumstances change.

Stephen Carter

CEO Stress Solutions, LLC | www.EFT-MD.com | Podcast: www.MindOverStress.us

Get Your Motor Runnin'... A Story of Emotional Freedom

Waves of powerful emotions swept over Mary as she drove down her quiet residential street at 5:00 A.M. She felt intense fear, then anger, then sadness. Despite these cascading painful emotions, she was determined to complete the 12-hour trip to St. Augustine and be free.

Why was she going? 

To answer that question, we need to go back in time about three months. Her husband announced he was leaving her. He had "fallen in love" with his secretary and he no longer wanted Mary as a wife. He was leaving her and both of their young teenage sons.

As the husband was leaving, he turned around and said, 

"You'll never make it without me. You can't keep the home, pay the bills, or do anything else. Just sign everything over to me. It's the only way you can survive."

He turned back toward the door and left.

After a few weeks of counseling, Mary decided she needed to do something she had never done in her life: she was going to take a long trip by herself. She was going to prove to her husband - and to herself - she didn't need him. She didn't need him to be a husband. She didn't need him to be a companion. She didn't need him to drive. She didn't need him at all.

As she left the community and pulled out onto the main road leading to the interstate, the voice in her head started to shout, 

"He's right! You can't make it. It's not safe! Turn around! Go back home!".

The voice got louder and louder: 

"Maybe he was right. What if I break down? No one is here to help me. I can't do this!" 

She felt the fear growing by the second.

As she left the familiar comfort of the local road and entered the ramp leading to I-95 South, she turned on the radio and tuned it to her favorite Classic Rock station. When her hand touched the volume knob, she turned it as high as it would go. She had to drown out the negative voice shouting in her head.

 She heard the beginning notes and then the words of a song by Steppenwolf...

"Get your motor runnin'

Head out on the highway

Lookin' for adventure

And whatever comes our way

Yeah Darlin' go make it happen

Take the world in a love embrace

Fire all of your guns at once

And explode into space..."

As the words and music of, "Born to be Wild" filled the car, she instantly knew the universe was telling her, "You CAN do this... You CAN depend on yourself... You WILL make it!". 

And she did. 

Twelve hours later as she triumphantly drove into the driveway of her aunt's home in St. Augustine, she knew something vitally important had happened.

From that moment forward, her confidence grew stronger day by day. The fearful voice still made an appearance every now and then over the months that followed. But when she heard that voice, she simply turned on her Classic Rock radio memory, and sang out loud, 

"Get your motor runnin...".

"Born to be Wild" became Mary's freedom anthem. 

Months later as I worked with Mary as a client to help her deal with issues unrelated to her now former husband, we used the power of Steppenwolf's song to empower her in other areas of life.

Do you have a musical freedom anthem? What songs create such positive energy throughout your body that when you hear the music, it washes through you; empowers you; creates such joy that there is never space for a negative thought.

Choose Your Own Musical Freedom Anthem!

Why not choose your own musical freedom anthem? Why not hum, sing, and then belt it out loud to energize your life? You'll notice the difference every time you do it.

No song comes to mind? Feel free to borrow Mary's. Have a listen to Steppenwolf's, "Born to be Wild". She won't mind a bit.

Find Your Emotional Freedom:

For more tools, tips, and techniques to achieve emotional freedom, join our Energy and Holistic Healing Family at http://www.eft-md.com/education-resource.html.

With love,

Steve Carter

Stress Solutions, LLC
www.EFT-MD.com

Phobias, Fears, and Other Strong Emotions - How a Snake Can Help Us Find Emotional Freedom

What can we learn from snakes about emotional well-being? It turns out we can learn a lot.

While out for my morning walk today I noticed four lawn care workers digging up some shrubs. New plants were at the ready.

As I walked past the men, one of the group, the team leader as I learned later, jumped back and screamed, “snake, snake, snake, oh my God, it’s a snake!” 

The other men all stepped back, each frozen in place. They seemed to be taking their behavior cue from the leader.

After about 10-seconds passed, the team leader in a quivering voice told one of the other men to “kill it! Get it out of here!”. He then took five steps backward waiting for the worker to carry out the order.

When the man who had been told to kill the snake walked back to where the snake had been, it wasn’t there. A couple of other workers cautiously looked at the ground trying to see the snake; the snake, at least for that moment, had saved it’s own life by moving.

I walked up to the team leader and said, “My gracious, it seems you are afraid of snakes”. Sometimes stating the obvious is a reasonably good way to open a conversation.

“Oh my God, yes!”, he said. “I am terrified of snakes. Look at my arms.”

When I looked at his arms, I saw the hairs were standing up. The man was still hyper breathing and his voice still quivered when he spoke.

As I turned my attention back to where the workers were standing, one of the men said in Spanish, “Here it is! He raised the shovel and readied himself to dispatch the snake. 

When I looked at the ground directly beneath where the shovel was about to fall, I saw the slithering serpent who was about to be killed. I stepped closer and raised my voice, saying in Spanish, “Stop!”. I then turned to the leader and said, “I’ll take care of the snake”.

I bent down, picked up the four-inch garter snake, carried it to a wooded area about 40 feet away, and placed the snake on the ground. It first curled up, but then quickly unfurled itself and moved deeper into the dense wooded area. 

The snake was saved and the men returned to work. But why did the snake trigger such a fearful reaction in the team leader? Are there lessons in this experience for those of us who have no phobic reaction to living creatures who slither about the countryside?

What is a Phobia?

Phobias are by definition an extreme or irrational fear or aversion to something. That something can be any object, person, place, animal, or perceived situation.

About four to five percent of the U.S. Population has at least one clinically significant fear in a given year. Social phobia responses typically appear in people between 15 - 20 years of age, although they can appear in younger and older people.

While the team leader’s reaction to seeing a four-inch garter snake was almost laughable, it certainly wasn’t laughable to him. The truth is we all have and react to irrational fears. Holding onto to those irrational fears is a choice, although it may not feel that way when we're triggered.

President Franklin D. Roosevelt in his famous 1933 Presidential Inaugural Address, said, “The only thing we have to fear is fear itself”.

Roosevelt was so right. Let us keep in mind the person, place, or thing that triggers our fear response is exactly that: a trigger. The trigger itself is simply what it is. It is our reactions to the triggering object, person, place, or situation that creates our felt sense of fear.

Fears Can Control and Limit Us

While fear can be a life saving emotion, for far too many people the emotion shows up in situations where it is unneeded and limiting. Worse still, for those people who have full on phobias, extreme fear can turn into terror that causes them to literally freeze in place. A good example of this is the common fear of public speaking. Numerous surveys show this is the number one fear, even greater than the fear of death.

Can Irrational Fears be Released?

Are we destined to be controlled by irrational fear throughout life? The good news is the vast majority of people suffering from phobias and lessor fear reactions can be freed from their emotional prison. They are literally holding the prison door key in the palms of their hands.

In future posts, I’ll share a variety of ways to release irrational fear responses. As a starting point, I suggest the following steps to begin your journey to emotional freedom:

• Recognize that fear is an emotional and physical reaction to the triggering stimulus. It is a feeling - strong or weak - that you are creating in the moment. 

• If you know how to apply Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT), Thought Field Therapy (TFT), or other tapping / Energy Psychology protocol, begin tapping or applying the protocol immediately as you’re experiencing the fear / phobia reaction. Keep tapping until the reaction subsides and ultimately dissolves.

• If you don’t know how to apply EFT, TFT, or other tapping / Energy Psychology protocol, click HERE to download the 1-page CenterPoint Release (CPR) guide. It's simple to remember and easy to use whenever you are triggered. As you apply the CPR protocol, you will likely experience a significant reduction in the intensity of the fear response. After one or two applications your fear reactions may be completely gone.

To learn more about how EFT / TFT and Energy Psychology can help with phobias and other challenging emotions, visit our Stress Solutions, LLC website at www.EFT-MD.com.

Blessings,

Steve

Stephen Carter Stress Solutions, LLC p:804-677-6772 | e:CarterMethod@gmail.com | w:http://www.EFT-MD.com

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