How to Break Through Your Wall of Worry (6 Steps to Freedom)

We have all been there.

A major disappointment, an unexpected illness, a rejection by a friend, your boss, or a close family member. It can feel like we're  up against an emotional wall of worry.

When we experience these emotional wounds our initial reaction may lead us to feel anxiety, sadness, or other painful feelings. Negative self-talk that includes abundant self-criticism flows like water over Niagara Falls. 

We ask ourselves questions such as: 

"What's wrong with me?" "What did I do to deserve this?" and - the most common question - "Why did this happen?"

Judy's Story

I received a frantic call from Judy, a longtime client. Earlier that day Judy had an appoint with her primary care physician. As her doctor solemnly looked at the results of the echocardiogram, he shook his head and said, 

"You need to get in to see your cardiologist immediately!".

Her doctor continued talking to Judy, but she didn't hear anything he said. She was awash in fear and anxiety. 

Judy had been dealing with heart issues for two years. Just a few weeks earlier her cardiologist complimented Judy on her medical progress. 

"There is no need", he said, "to see me again for four months."

As Judy left her primary care physician's office, her mind raced with questions such as, 

"What happened? Why did my cardiologist say I was doing so well and now this doctor tells me I'm not?"

Negative "Why" Questions Lead to Strong Disempowering Answers

When we are dealing with highly charged negative situations, our "Why" questions invariably take us down the rabbit hole of debilitating thoughts and emotions. 

Why? Because those negative "Why" questions are built on the presupposition that the premise of the questions are true or have an answers we can uncover. 

"If I can learn why something happened", the mind tells us, "then I can 'fix' it."

The Subconscious Mind - Our Faithful Servant

The problem with this line of thinking is that our subconscious minds are faithful servants that do exactly what we ask them to do. When you pose a question such as, "What's wrong with me?", your subconscious mind searches your memories, your beliefs, and what you've heard others say.  It then offers up to your conscious mind all of the memories, beliefs, and conclusions from your mental hard drive relating to the question, "What's wrong with me".

There's only one problem: since your faithful servant - your subconscious mind - was operating within the framework of the, "What's wrong with me" question, it ignores any information, memories, and beliefs that are contrary to the presupposition of the question. 

In other words, to use the computer programming analogy, "Garbage in, garbage out".

The Worst Question to Ask

Of all the disempowering questions we can ask ourselves, the worst one is: "Why did this happen?" A close second is, "What did I do wrong?"

6 Steps to Freedom - Break Through Your Wall of Worry

So, what is a stressed out, anxiety ridden, worried person to do?

• First, when you have even the slightest glimmer of clarity that your reactions aren't productive, take three long deep breaths and then yawn, stretch, and take three more deep breaths. This will slow down your racing negative thoughts and provide a slight bit of emotional distance.

• Secondly, ask yourself this question: "Just for now, can I let go of trying to figure it all out?" Allow your mind to go quiet. If the mind chatter continues, repeat the question.

• Third, tell yourself, "What happened, happened". Then ask yourself, "What can I learn from this experience?" If the first answer is, "nothing", keep quiet and let your subconscious continue to search. 

• Fourth, wait silently for your subconscious to serve up the answers. Write them down or vividly remember what comes to awareness.

• Fifth, continue with an empowering line of questions such as, "How can I use this experience and my insights to change the meaning of what happened?" or, "How can I apply these new insights to enhance my life - even if just a little bit - ongoing."

• Sixth, sit silently in mindful awareness as your new insights are incorporated into mind, body, and spirit.

Better Questions, Better Answers for Judy

We applied this 6-step approach to help Judy find the best way forward for her. She went from being stuck in the questions, 

"Why did this happen?" and, "What went wrong" (both are "trying to figure it out" questions), 

to asking more empowering questions such as:

"What can I do now to help ensure I handle the situation calmly?" and, "How can I assure I'm asserting myself and I'm truly heard when talking with doctors?"

The facts of Judy's situation haven't changed, but her thinking has. That alone will make a huge difference in the decisions she'll make about her health. She is taking responsibility for her own wellbeing in a way she hadn't done before.

Next Step to Help You Ask Better Questions

For more suggestions about how to change your thinking to change your life, drop me an email at CarterMethod@gmail.com to be placed on the notification list for our upcoming "Questions for a Better Life" program.

Blessings, light, and love,

Steve Carter

Stress Solutions, LLC | www.EFT-MD.com

Sleep Matters - The 1-Minute Method to Help You Fall Asleep Easily

We may understand the idea that people should get a good night's sleep academically, but for many of us that realization doesn't translate to changes in our own behavior.

Typically, we continue "muddling through", working late into the night and even on weekends. Too wound up to relax properly in the evening, we may try to medicate the day's stress by watching late-night TV, having a few drinks, or spending hours surfing Facebook to learn what our "BFF" had for dinner.

Some recent studies may help remind us that choosing to get our optimum number hours of sleep nightly can make a positive difference in our professional and personal lives.

Recent Studies:

In a recently released University of California, Berkeley study, researchers found sleep deprivation negatively affects our ability to accurately read facial expressions. This reduced ability could potentially reduce our awareness of non-verbal cues from family members suggesting they are experiencing pain, illness, or emotional upset.

Likewise, failure to perceive subtle facial clues from our boss or co-workers means we're missing important information in the workplace. Even our physical safety could be affected if we fail to notice subtle facial and physical behaviors by potential criminals as we move about in public.

In an earlier UC Berkely study, researchers found a lack of sleep can play a key role in activating regions of the brain that contribute to excessive worry. This was found to be the case in healthy adults as well as people who regularly experience anxiety.

In yet another UC Berkely study, researchers discovered that during dream phases of sleep - also known as REM or rapid eye movement periods - stress chemistry changes and the brain can process emotional memories in ways that reduce the psychological impact.

Dr. Matthew Walker, associate professor or psychology and neuroscience at UC Berkley, and the senior author of this study, commented,

"The dream stage of sleep, based on its unique neurochemical composition, provides us with a form of overnight therapy, a soothing balm that removes the sharp edge from the prior day's emotional experiences".

Poor Sleep Patterns and Our Genes:

In addition to affecting our emotional and cognitive wellbeing, research suggests poor sleep patterns can have a negative effect on gene expression. Swedish researchers at Uppsala University and the Karolinska Institute discovered that genes controlling our biological clocks in cells throughout the body may be affected with the loss of even one night of sleep.

Jonathan Cedemaes, a researcher at Uppsala University and the study's lead author, comments,

"Previous research has shown that our metabolism is negatively affected by sleep loss, and sleep loss has been linked to an increased risk of obesity and type 2 diabetes. Since ablation of clock genes in animals can cause these disease states, our current results indicate that changes of our clock genes may be linked to such negative effects caused by sleep loss."

How to Fall Asleep Easily:

So if sleep is so important, how can we get more of it?

1) Make relaxation and sleep a priority. If sleep and energetic renewal aren't important priorities, you will find excuses to stay up "just another few minutes" to watch television, surf the web, read Facebook and other social media, or otherwise give attention to activities that keep you up and awake.

2) Close down the computer at an hour before bed. Staring at a monitor and engaging in emotionally charged brain stimulating activities don't support sleep.

3) Shut off the television at least an hour before bedtime. As with computer activities, much of television content stimulates brain activity in ways that keep us wired. This is particularly true with the "if it bleeds, it leads" stories on the evening news.

4) Stop consuming stimulants such as sodas, coffee, or tea several hours before bedtime. Sensitivity to stimulants can vary. Some people may experience the effects of caffeine many hours after caffeine and other stimulants are consumed. Know your tolerance and act accordingly.

5) Use the "4-7-8" method to help you fall asleep. Follow Dr. Andew Weil in the short video as he leads us through the simple method.

Of course, if you believe there may be a medical condition affecting your ability to fall and stay asleep, consult your doctor.

Blessings

Steve Carter

Stephen Carter Stress Solutions, LLC p:804-677-6772 | e:CarterMethod@gmail.com | w:http://www.EFT-MD.com

Please consider the environment before printing this e-mail!

Important Note: This and all other postings to this blog are for informational purposes only. This and all other posts are not intended to diagnose, treat, or otherwise recommend any treatment for any medical or psychological condition. Anyone using any of the information contained in this or any other posting on this website does so at his or her own risk. You are urged to seek competent medical consultations with appropriate licensed medical professionals for any and all medical, psychological, or physical conditions.

For more information about the articles mentioned above, click the article links below.

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Sleep Loss Recent Studies:

The sleep-deprived brain can mistake friends for foes: http://tinyurl.com/p7ju3sh

Tired and edgy? Sleep deprivation boosts anticipatory anxiety: http://tinyurl.com/pploze2

One night of sleep loss can alter clock genes in your tissues: http://tinyurl.com/q6jmmbn

Dreaming takes the sting out of painful memories: study: http://medicalxpress.com/news/2011-11-painful-memories.html#nRlv

Resources & Guides:

National Sleep Foundation Guide to Sleep
http://sleepfoundation.org/how-sleep-works/how-much-sleep-do-we-really-need

Center for Disease Control Guidelines on Sleep
http://www.cdc.gov/sleep/about_sleep/how_much_sleep.htm

How Much Sleep Do You Need? Health? HelpGuide.org
http://www.helpguide.org/articles/sleep/how-much-sleep-do-you-need.htm

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Chronic Worry and a Quiet Mind

Chronic worry is a huge contributor to elevated stress. In the Theatre of Mind, we can become transfixed with one imaginary disaster movie after another. 

"Life isn't safe", our thinking goes. "If I worry enough about this situation and all of the terrible possibilities, then the answers for every painful iteration of possibilities will somehow appear."

In truth, however, the opposite is true. Regardless of how difficult a situation appears, worry will never solve it. We are far better able to deal with adversity with a clear, calm mind.

In correspondence with a client today about experiencing chronic worry, part of my message included the commentary,

"When we stay rooted in the 'Now' - this moment - there is little sense of time, past or future. In reality, 'Now' is all we have. Past and future are constructs of the mind. Resting in the present moment brings peace; nothing else can."

Chronic worry can't penetrate a quiet mind. When the mind is quiet, the answers emerge.

I'm reminded of Lao Tzu's guidance:

For tips on quieting the mind and opening your consciousness to the deep 
wisdom waiting within, send us an email by clicking HERE.

Blessings,

Steve

Stephen Carter CEO, Stress Solutions, LLC p:804-677-6772 | e:CarterMethod@gmail.com | w:http://www.EFT-MD.com

Important Note: This and all other postings to this blog are for informational purposes only. This and all other posts are not intended to diagnose, treat, or otherwise recommend any treatment for any medical or psychological condition. Anyone using any of the information contained in this or any other posting on this website does so at his or her own risk. You are urged to seek competent medical consultations with appropriate licenced medical professionals for any and all medical or physical conditions.