How to Break Through Your Wall of Worry (6 Steps to Freedom)

We have all been there.

A major disappointment, an unexpected illness, a rejection by a friend, your boss, or a close family member. It can feel like we're  up against an emotional wall of worry.

When we experience these emotional wounds our initial reaction may lead us to feel anxiety, sadness, or other painful feelings. Negative self-talk that includes abundant self-criticism flows like water over Niagara Falls. 

We ask ourselves questions such as: 

"What's wrong with me?" "What did I do to deserve this?" and - the most common question - "Why did this happen?"

Judy's Story

I received a frantic call from Judy, a longtime client. Earlier that day Judy had an appoint with her primary care physician. As her doctor solemnly looked at the results of the echocardiogram, he shook his head and said, 

"You need to get in to see your cardiologist immediately!".

Her doctor continued talking to Judy, but she didn't hear anything he said. She was awash in fear and anxiety. 

Judy had been dealing with heart issues for two years. Just a few weeks earlier her cardiologist complimented Judy on her medical progress. 

"There is no need", he said, "to see me again for four months."

As Judy left her primary care physician's office, her mind raced with questions such as, 

"What happened? Why did my cardiologist say I was doing so well and now this doctor tells me I'm not?"

Negative "Why" Questions Lead to Strong Disempowering Answers

When we are dealing with highly charged negative situations, our "Why" questions invariably take us down the rabbit hole of debilitating thoughts and emotions. 

Why? Because those negative "Why" questions are built on the presupposition that the premise of the questions are true or have an answers we can uncover. 

"If I can learn why something happened", the mind tells us, "then I can 'fix' it."

The Subconscious Mind - Our Faithful Servant

The problem with this line of thinking is that our subconscious minds are faithful servants that do exactly what we ask them to do. When you pose a question such as, "What's wrong with me?", your subconscious mind searches your memories, your beliefs, and what you've heard others say.  It then offers up to your conscious mind all of the memories, beliefs, and conclusions from your mental hard drive relating to the question, "What's wrong with me".

There's only one problem: since your faithful servant - your subconscious mind - was operating within the framework of the, "What's wrong with me" question, it ignores any information, memories, and beliefs that are contrary to the presupposition of the question. 

In other words, to use the computer programming analogy, "Garbage in, garbage out".

The Worst Question to Ask

Of all the disempowering questions we can ask ourselves, the worst one is: "Why did this happen?" A close second is, "What did I do wrong?"

6 Steps to Freedom - Break Through Your Wall of Worry

So, what is a stressed out, anxiety ridden, worried person to do?

• First, when you have even the slightest glimmer of clarity that your reactions aren't productive, take three long deep breaths and then yawn, stretch, and take three more deep breaths. This will slow down your racing negative thoughts and provide a slight bit of emotional distance.

• Secondly, ask yourself this question: "Just for now, can I let go of trying to figure it all out?" Allow your mind to go quiet. If the mind chatter continues, repeat the question.

• Third, tell yourself, "What happened, happened". Then ask yourself, "What can I learn from this experience?" If the first answer is, "nothing", keep quiet and let your subconscious continue to search. 

• Fourth, wait silently for your subconscious to serve up the answers. Write them down or vividly remember what comes to awareness.

• Fifth, continue with an empowering line of questions such as, "How can I use this experience and my insights to change the meaning of what happened?" or, "How can I apply these new insights to enhance my life - even if just a little bit - ongoing."

• Sixth, sit silently in mindful awareness as your new insights are incorporated into mind, body, and spirit.

Better Questions, Better Answers for Judy

We applied this 6-step approach to help Judy find the best way forward for her. She went from being stuck in the questions, 

"Why did this happen?" and, "What went wrong" (both are "trying to figure it out" questions), 

to asking more empowering questions such as:

"What can I do now to help ensure I handle the situation calmly?" and, "How can I assure I'm asserting myself and I'm truly heard when talking with doctors?"

The facts of Judy's situation haven't changed, but her thinking has. That alone will make a huge difference in the decisions she'll make about her health. She is taking responsibility for her own wellbeing in a way she hadn't done before.

Next Step to Help You Ask Better Questions

For more suggestions about how to change your thinking to change your life, drop me an email at CarterMethod@gmail.com to be placed on the notification list for our upcoming "Questions for a Better Life" program.

Blessings, light, and love,

Steve Carter

Stress Solutions, LLC | www.EFT-MD.com

The Inflamed Mind - Why This BBC Report Matters

One of the mysteries of the mind and brain is why we can be functioning perfectly one day and then - sometimes overnight - fall into a bottomless sense of depression and even serious psychosis. 

A recent BBC report focuses on a new line of scientific investigation into the roles inflammation and autoimmune disorders can play in our mental wellbeing. The new approaches that come from these discoveries may mean better treatment outcomes and happier lives.

What's New and Why Does it Matter?

Problem: For about a third or more people dealing with depression and many additional people dealing with psychotic conditions, talk therapy offers little or no help.

Emerging Science: There is growing evidence that for many people depression and even psychotic

conditions can result from a whole body reaction to inflammation and autoimmune disorders. 

To quote Prof. Pariante, one of the medical scientists associated with this BBC story, 

"It is groundbreaking because, for the first time, we are demonstrating that depression is not only a disorder of the mind, in fact it is not even only a disorder of the brain, it is a disorder of the whole body.

Promising Solutions: As with so many challenging conditions, for many people depression and perhaps other serious mental conditions may best be treated in a holistic way.

A Possible Way Forward

If, after reading the article and listening to the audio report (see below), you conclude it's possible you or someone you know may be helped by exploring the role inflammation and autoimmune activity may be playing in a mental condition, talk with your doctor. Since this may be new information for many medical professionals, you may need to point them toward the BBC reports.

I encourage you to first read the BBC article entitled, "Depression: a Revolution in Treatment?" at http://bbc.in/2bQK8vo.

After reading this article, I encourage you to visit the BBC page that includes the recorded radio exploration of these discoveries at http://bbc.in/2bml8tO.

To your wellbeing,

Steve Carter

Stress Solutions, LLC | www.EFT-MD.com |

How to Use a Simple Tapping Protocol for Emotional First Aid

The more we pay attention to negative events, the more our nervous systems experience a rising baseline of chronic stress that seems to be always present. Chronic stress can negatively affect our emotional and physical well-being in multiple ways.

At the time this post is being written, just a couple of days ago our Elliott City, Maryland community suffered a devastating flood in the old section of the City. At least two people are dead, people lost homes, and businesses suffered millions upon millions of dollars in losses. It's not clear how many months it will take to clean up the devastation and begin rebuilding.

When turning on our televisions or reading news, we see daily reports about terrorist killings. In major cities across the U.S., gang and drug violence are major contributors to the deaths of about 90 people every day. 

All of these events are contributing to a growing sense of high anxiety and stress for many. For many,
feelings of safety continue to erode with each passing day.

Emotional First Aid

There are countless ways of self managing stress: meditation, self-hypnosis, meridian tapping, exercise, Qigong, the Sedona Method, and many other approaches have all shown stress reducing effects in many people.

If you already have experience with a method you like, but haven't been using regularly, I suggest returning to that practice and use it daily. 

Trauma Tapping Technique

If you would like to try a simple, easily applied method for tension and stress release, I suggest using Trauma Tapping Technique, or TTT.

Two Swedish international aid workers, Gunilla Hamne and Ulf Sandstrom, developed this simple tapping protocol that has helped tens of thousands of people across India, Africa, Pakistan, Canada, the U.S., and other regions. 

The beauty of TTT is its simplicity and effectiveness for many people, including people who experienced horrific trauma in Rwanda, the Congo, Chad, Kosovo, and multiple other countries. This is a totally non-verbal technique. There is no need to talk about the experience or (for those of you who use EFT) to voice any affirmation.

TTT IS NOT a substitute for psychological therapy or medical treatment. It is a simple, easy to apply, emotional first aid technique that can calm mind and body in ways that dissolve stress and create a sense of emotional and physical well-being. It is a self-regulation technique that takes only a couple of minutes to use.

How to Do TTT

You'll find a short video below demonstrating TTT. I suggest watching it once and then watching it a second time and follow along through the tapping sequence.

Before starting, I suggest getting a sense of your beginning stress level on a "0" to "10" scale ("10" being the highest level of stress you can imagine with "0" being no stress).

After tapping through the TTT sequence (see the video demonstration for one complete sequence), do another stress level assessment. You'll likely notice a marked decrease. If any sense of stress remains, go through the sequence a second time.

To learn more about the Peaceful Heart Network led by Gunnilla and Ulf, visit  www.PeacefulHeart.se. You'll find instructional videos, information about their wonderful work, a 1-page guide for TTT, and much more on their website.

You can experience TTT for yourself by tapping along in this YouTube video:

For more information about Meridian Tapping and Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT) for Stress Mastery, visit us at www.EFT-MD.Com. 

Blessings,

Steve Carter

Stress Solutions, LLC | www.EFT-MD.com |

Best Way to ID Negative Self-Talk and Change it Immediately

Do you talk to yourself? Of course you do. We all do. 

Is your running self-talk commentary empowering or disempowering? Does it support you or hold you back? There is an easy way to find out.

Why Self-Talk Matters

Why does this matter? It matters because your subconscious is both the source of - and audience for - self-talk whether positive or negative.

In addition to your mind and self-identity paying attention, self-talk can lead to biochemical changes in your body that affect your immune system, emotions, and cellular functions. Every cell in your body is listening. Self-talk can propel you toward your goals or place impassable boulders in your road to success.

What Research Tells Us

When you enter the term, “self-talk”, in Google Scholar service, you’ll find about 39,000 citations for studies that have looked at the role of self-talk in physical health, personal performance, and emotional well-being. We see a strong correlation between consistent patterns of negative or positive self-talk and corresponding changes in physical and emotional well-being and personal performance.

The Best Way to ID Your Negative Self-Talk

Do you need to constantly monitor your thoughts every minute? Absolutely not. Life should flow freely and so too should your thinking. 

If, however, you want to get a picture of your positive and negative thought habits, there is an easy way to do that: simply set a timer on your smartphone or set reminders as popups or email notices using your online calendar (Google Calendar, Yahoo Calendar, etc.) to alert you every 30 or 45 minutes.

With each alert, jot down a very brief description of the thought that was in mind just prior to the alert. Keep a list (or even better a journal) over several days. Add a “+” indicator for positive thoughts; a “-” for negative thoughts; and, a “0” for neutral thoughts.

Stay with this process for about a week. At the end of the week, review your list and count the “+”, “-”, and “0” entries. A couple of seconds worth of math and you’ll have the percentage of thoughts that fit into each of the three categories. Typically, most people will have 70 - 80% of thoughts in negative territory. 

What to Do When You Notice Negative Self-Talk

Since you know self-talk can affect your health, happiness, and performance, you have a chance to choose a new habit: every time you catch yourself thinking a negative thought, scream (in your mind or - if your social situation allows - out loud) “STOP!”.

You’ll immediately notice a brief silence of mind. Fill that silence with a question that changes the direction of your thoughts.

For example, if you catch yourself thinking something like, 

“My boss is a jerk! She’s an idiot”, 

yell, “STOP!” and then say, for example,   

“OK, she’s obviously super stressed. What can I do that will help me understand what’s going on and maybe even help her as well?”.

Wait for ideas to come. They will. 

Choose the best way forward and proceed accordingly.

You’ll feel better immediately.

Over time, you will be less reactive and more proactive in your thinking. Your stress level will go down and your sense of emotional well-being will go up.

You benefit and so too will your family, friends, and co-workers.

How do you manage self-talk? Share your ideas in the comments below.

Blessings,

Steve Carter  

Stress Solutions, LLC | www.EFT-MD.com | StressMastery.Blogspot.com |

P.S. If you would like to talk about your situation and what life enhancements you would like to experience, contact us through the "Contact Us" page at http://www.EFT-MD.com.

The 2 Key Questions to Discover the Hidden Good in Unwanted Surprises

One of the most beneficial actions you can take to set a positive intent for your day is voice an affirmation. 

First, you immediately begin to notice circumstances and experiences that align with your intention - circumstances and experiences you would have likely not noticed absent your affirmation. Secondly, it acts as a command to your subconscious to bring about the circumstances and experiences that meet your intention.

As an example of how this can work, I share my journal entry for today about choosing to discover the hidden good in unwanted surprises and the two key questions to discover the hidden good in those unwanted surprises. 

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Today's Affirmation: I choose to discover the hidden good in unwanted surprises.

As good as it is to experience pleasant surprises, true changes in perspective, new ideas, and new insights about ourselves and life are the fruits of unwanted surprises. 

The Two Key Questions to Discover the Hidden Good in Unwanted Surprises

If we roll through our initial reactions and reach a state of acceptance of what is, we are then positioned to answer the two most important questions we can ask about unpleasant surprises:

• What is the hidden benefit of this experience?

• How can I use this experience in ways that improve my day, my life, and perhaps the world?

What Can I Do to Make This Choice a Reality?

We know from research that an affirmation is most effective when it's made before a charged event occurs. A properly formed affirmation sets in motion a positive mindset that acknowledges we have the right temperament, will, and ability to navigate any storm and turn it to our advantage.

The Secret is in the Questions

Questions focus attention and open the conscious and subconscious minds to new pathways, new perspectives, and new ways of seeing and being in the world. 

Today, I choose to look at unwanted surprises as a precious gift wrapped in coarse unattractive paper.

Today, I choose to look beyond the wrapping to discover the gift waiting patiently to serve.

Today, I choose to discover the hidden good in unwanted surprises.

Why not have a go at journaling your thoughts, insights, and actions that emerge from this or another affirmation? It's fun and it's a powerful path to self-discovery.

Blessings,

Steve Carter

Stress Solutions, LLC | www.EFT-MD.com | StressMastery.blogspot.com | Steve@theHealersCircle.us | 804-677-6772

P.S. To join our Healers Circle family and receive low volume, high-value messages on Stress Mastery and holistic methods, visit the Education Resource page on our EFT-MD.com site by clicking HERE.

Get Your Motor Runnin'... A Story of Emotional Freedom

Waves of powerful emotions swept over Mary as she drove down her quiet residential street at 5:00 A.M. She felt intense fear, then anger, then sadness. Despite these cascading painful emotions, she was determined to complete the 12-hour trip to St. Augustine and be free.

Why was she going? 

To answer that question, we need to go back in time about three months. Her husband announced he was leaving her. He had "fallen in love" with his secretary and he no longer wanted Mary as a wife. He was leaving her and both of their young teenage sons.

As the husband was leaving, he turned around and said, 

"You'll never make it without me. You can't keep the home, pay the bills, or do anything else. Just sign everything over to me. It's the only way you can survive."

He turned back toward the door and left.

After a few weeks of counseling, Mary decided she needed to do something she had never done in her life: she was going to take a long trip by herself. She was going to prove to her husband - and to herself - she didn't need him. She didn't need him to be a husband. She didn't need him to be a companion. She didn't need him to drive. She didn't need him at all.

As she left the community and pulled out onto the main road leading to the interstate, the voice in her head started to shout, 

"He's right! You can't make it. It's not safe! Turn around! Go back home!".

The voice got louder and louder: 

"Maybe he was right. What if I break down? No one is here to help me. I can't do this!" 

She felt the fear growing by the second.

As she left the familiar comfort of the local road and entered the ramp leading to I-95 South, she turned on the radio and tuned it to her favorite Classic Rock station. When her hand touched the volume knob, she turned it as high as it would go. She had to drown out the negative voice shouting in her head.

 She heard the beginning notes and then the words of a song by Steppenwolf...

"Get your motor runnin'

Head out on the highway

Lookin' for adventure

And whatever comes our way

Yeah Darlin' go make it happen

Take the world in a love embrace

Fire all of your guns at once

And explode into space..."

As the words and music of, "Born to be Wild" filled the car, she instantly knew the universe was telling her, "You CAN do this... You CAN depend on yourself... You WILL make it!". 

And she did. 

Twelve hours later as she triumphantly drove into the driveway of her aunt's home in St. Augustine, she knew something vitally important had happened.

From that moment forward, her confidence grew stronger day by day. The fearful voice still made an appearance every now and then over the months that followed. But when she heard that voice, she simply turned on her Classic Rock radio memory, and sang out loud, 

"Get your motor runnin...".

"Born to be Wild" became Mary's freedom anthem. 

Months later as I worked with Mary as a client to help her deal with issues unrelated to her now former husband, we used the power of Steppenwolf's song to empower her in other areas of life.

Do you have a musical freedom anthem? What songs create such positive energy throughout your body that when you hear the music, it washes through you; empowers you; creates such joy that there is never space for a negative thought.

Choose Your Own Musical Freedom Anthem!

Why not choose your own musical freedom anthem? Why not hum, sing, and then belt it out loud to energize your life? You'll notice the difference every time you do it.

No song comes to mind? Feel free to borrow Mary's. Have a listen to Steppenwolf's, "Born to be Wild". She won't mind a bit.

Find Your Emotional Freedom:

For more tools, tips, and techniques to achieve emotional freedom, join our Energy and Holistic Healing Family at http://www.eft-md.com/education-resource.html.

With love,

Steve Carter

Stress Solutions, LLC
www.EFT-MD.com

Simple Secrets to Great Communication #2 - Start With Why!

The Big Idea: 

"People don't buy what you do, they buy why you do it." 

Simon Sinek

Whether talking with another person or presenting to a group of hundreds, we usually communicate from the outside in. 

The outside ring of our communications target is the "What". We talk easily about what we do or what facts, figures, and information we believe are important. 

Our second ring is the "How". We may talk about how something was accomplished or how we should move forward. 

Rarely do we talk about the most important ring: the bullseye of "Why".

As an example, consider this 30-second elevator speech:

At Stress Solutions, we teach people how to be top-tier communicators. We do this through formal training, personal 1-to-1 coaching, and application of video and audio recordings. Through this coaching, our graduates become powerful communicators and enjoy more success in every area of life.

Contrast this standard elevator speech with a second "Why" centered approach:

At Stress Solutions, we believe everyone has a special story that needs to be told. Our mission is to ensure everyone can share their special story, vision, and ideas in ways that enrich the world. We do this by helping every client discover, shape, and give voice to their story in a powerful and compelling way. As a result, clients become confident top-tier communicators who make a true difference in people's lives.

In this short TED Talk presentation by Simon Sinek, you'll learn the secret of communicating from the inside out by starting with your big "Why".

Simon Sinek - Start With Why - TED Talk

Learn to Communicate From the Inside Out

Stress Solutions will be announcing a very special online, "Heart-to-Mind Communications Mastery" training program in the coming weeks.

As part of this Communications Mastery training, you'll learn how to easily use this and other powerful communication methods to effectively inform, persuade, explain and even entertain as a Master Communicator.

To be among the first people to learn about this special way of story-telling and communication, send an email to CarterMethod@gmail.com with the subject line reading "Heart to Mind". When the program is announced, you'll be among the first to hear the news. 

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Steve Carter

Stephen Carter Stress Solutions, LLC p: 804-677-6772 | e:CarterMethod@gmail.com | w: http://www.EFT-MD.com

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