My Best Tip to Avoid Holiday Stress and Promote Harmony

"No" symbol (circle with a diagonal line) over word "Stress"

It’s holiday time. A time when family and friends gather to tell the same jokes and stories to the same people who heard them last year and years before. Along with those stories and jokes, the holidays can often bring a special kind of stress.

As CEO of Stress Solutions, LLC for 11 years, I’ve been dedicated to helping people avoid stress and - if stress can’t be avoided - to release stress for a sense of calm and peace in mind and body. 

My One Best Tip for Holiday Harmony

With the holidays ahead, I would like to share what I believe to be the one best holiday stress avoidance tip given the current political climate. That tip is:

When getting together with family and friends, avoid conversations about national politics. 

Why? Let us count the ways:

• No matter how passionate, persuasive, or logical you are in stating why your beliefs are “the truth”, you will not convince anyone who holds contrary beliefs to change those beliefs.

• The current state of political discord makes reasoned civil discussion virtually impossible between too many people who hold strong opinions about our current President or those vying for the Democratic party nomination.

• It’s highly probable if conversations gets heated, honest differences and reasoned discussion will be abandoned and replaced by ad hominem attacks on your intelligence, your character, your beliefs, or all of the above. Depending on who you say positive things about, you risk being labeled a socialist, a communist, a racist, anti-LGBT, etc., etc., etc.

• These kinds of conversations introduce an energy of conflict and ill-will into what should be a fun, enjoyable gathering.

• Fractured relationships from such strident discussions can be hard or sometimes impossible to mend.

How to Handle Political Discussion

If you attend family, work, or other social events over the holidays it’s pretty much guaranteed someone will ask you, 

“So, what do you think about the situation with Trump?” or something similar. 

From a conflict avoidance (and thus a stress avoidance) perspective, I suggest offering a reply along the lines of:

“Things in Washington are a mess, that’s for sure. I guess we’ll need to wait and see how it all works out.”

Or,

“You know I’m so tired of the political noise in Washington, I simply tune out.”

How about?...

“It’s a mess. Hey, have you been following the (insert team name here, weather event, etc.)? 

If your conversation mate insists on pursuing a political discussion, you can choose to listen politely. A response of, “interesting” or something similar will work well followed by something like, “Hey, I’m going to get a snack. We’ll talk more later”.

Avoid Temptation

Avoid Temptation - You’ll Thank Yourself for Doing So

As tempting as it may be to engage in political discussion, if you want to keep your stress level low and conversations cordial, resist the temptation. Remember, there’s nothing you can say to make other people change their minds. Let go of any need to, “set the record straight” and tell others what’s really going on.

As you leave the gathering and on your way home, you’ll thank yourself for being smart. 

The holidays can be stressful enough without adding heated political conversation to the holiday punch. Be kind to yourself and avoid the drama. 

Listen to Companion Podcast Episode

Listen to the companion "Mind Over Stress" podcast episode  for this post by clicking the player below.

Stephen Carter

Stress Solutions, LLC | https://www.EFT-MD.com | Podcast: http://www.MindOverStress.us

How Can a Simple "Thank You" Note Create Emotional Wellbeing

Note: This post is a summary of the, "Mind Over Stress" Podcast, "Can a "Thank You" Note Enhance Emotional Wellbeing.

To listen to the podcast, click the player below or click the link if you don't see a player.

https://radiopublic.com/mind-over-stress-WDJEJ7/ep/s1!fe859

Photo of handwritten "Thank You" with pen

In this episode, you’ll discover why taking just two or three minutes to write a short note of appreciation can create positive feelings of self-worth for the person receiving the message AND for the person writing the message. That would be you!

What Research Tells Us About the Power of "Thank You" Notes:

So what does the science tell us about writing “Thank You” notes? Is it worth doing? Is it difficult? Who benefits?

What stops you from writing notes of appreciation? Does it feel awkward? Are you afraid you won’t know what to write? Are you concerned the recipient won’t really appreciate receiving that kind of message?

Researchers from the University of Texas at Austin and the University of Chicago published the results of their research into "Thank You" note writing in the journal, “Psychological Science”. They asked participants to write a letter of gratitude to someone who had done something special or nice for them. After writing the message, participants were asked to anticipate how recipients would react.

What were the results? Letter writers overestimated how awkward recipients would feel. They underestimated how surprised and pleased recipients would feel.

Dr. Amit Kumar of the University of Texas Comments:

Lead author, Dr. Amit Kumar, assistant professor in the McCombs School of Business at the University of Texas, said,

“We looked at what’s correlating with people’s likelihood of expressing gratitude - what drives those choices - and what we found is that predictions or expectations of that awkwardness, that anticipation of how a recipient would feel - those are the things that matter when people are deciding whether to express gratitude.”

He added anxiety about what to say and fear that recipients would misinterpret the intent, stopped many people from expressing gratitude to others. 

He continued, 

“What we saw is that it only takes a couple of minutes to compose letters like these, thoughtful ones and sincere. It comes at little cost but the benefits are larger than people expect.”

Your Personal Experience of Receiving a "Thank You" Note:

Think back to a time you received a note from someone expressing appreciation for a gift or something you did. How did you feel? What did you think about the person who wrote the note?

A Simple "Thank You" Note Template:

Here’s a template you can use to craft a short “Thank You” note:

First, think about the act of kindness. Allow yourself to really feel gratitude.

Use a simple, straightforward opening such as,

“Thank you for…”

“It was wonderful of you to…”

“I really appreciate you taking time and effort to…”

Add one to three sentences briefly describing the action, gift, or kindness. 

Close the body of your message with one or two sentences describing how the action, gift, or kindness affected you, such as,

“The flowers are beautiful! I feel so warm and loved every time I look at them!”

“I feel blessed to have you as a friend!”

“You really are a Knight in Shinning Armor! Your kindness is very much appreciated.”

End with an appropriate close such as,

“With heart-felt appreciation,”

“Warmly,”

“Blessings in abundance,”

Or other close appropriate to the person and your relationship with that person.

What's Next?

I encourage you to take a few minutes and write a "Thank You" note to someone who showed you kindness. You’ll boost their self-esteem and you will feel really, really good about acknowledging that kindness. 

To paraphrase the old joke about voting in Chicago, “Write early, and write often”. Your short notes of appreciation will go a long way to helping create a kinder, happier world one person at a time.

To hear other “Mind Over Stress” podcasts and to subscribe so you never miss an episode, visit us at www.MindOverStress.us. 

Stephen Carter | Stress Solutions, LLC | https://www.EFT-MD.com | "Mind Over Stress" Podcast: http://www.MindOverStress.us 

Sources and Resources:

“Writing a “Thank You” Note is More Powerful Than We Realize, Study Shows”

https://medicalxpress.com/news/2018-08-powerful.html

More information: Amit Kumar et al, Undervaluing Gratitude: Expressers Misunderstand the Consequences of Showing Appreciation, Psychological Science (2018). DOI: 10.1177/0956797618772506

Journal information: Psychological Science 

3 Reasons to be Kind and the Story of Deputy William Haley

Photo of "Be Kind" written in chalk.

It happens thousands of times every day. Police officers extend countless acts of kindness. 

They buy coats for homeless people in winter. 

They buy Christmas presents for disadvantaged kids who otherwise would have nothing on Christmas Day. 

One New York City police officer was "caught" buying boots for a homeless man who had no shoes.

Enter the search term in Google, "police buy homeless man lunch" and more than 18 million entries show up.

What do most of these stories have in common? They rarely get told. These acts of kindness aren't "news" to mainstream media.

Yet, every now and then these acts of kindness get noticed - and a tiny number get celebrated.

A few days ago Elizabeth McClain and her friend Patti Walker were on lunch break when they noticed a deputy sheriff sharing lunch with a homeless man. 

Deputy William Haley's Act of Kindness

Deputy William Haley of the Madison County, Tennessee Sheriff's office saw a homeless man beside an onramp to Interstate 40. Deputy Haley drove to the nearest McDonald's and purchased two cheeseburgers and other food. He took it back to the homeless man and gave him the food.

But he did more. He prayed with the man and joined him for the meal.

As Deputy Haley said in an interview, 

"That's something I do if I see someone in need and I'm able to help."

Picture of Kindness

Here, Elizabeth and her friend enter the picture. Literally. 

They take a photograph of Deputy Haley eating and talking with the homeless man and post it on Facebook.

And it goes viral...

As the photo and description spread, some in the news media decided there was a story to be told. 

In one interview, Haley said,

“It would’ve been OK for me to give him some food and driven off, but how long do you think it had been since someone sat down with him, shook his hand, prayed over a meal with him and asked him how he was doing?"

And so his act of kindness is being recognized by thousands of people.

Why Being Kind Matters

Engaging in random acts of kindness matters. It matters to those who are helped and it matters to those who offer those acts to others.

Why?

First, when we help others we are tapping into our core sense of love and connection as we affirm we care about - and for - others for no reason other than it's who we truly are.

Second, it feels good to be kind. It creates a sense of warmth because we choose to help someone else.

Third, it's the right thing to do. 

Spiritually, we know that truth. But in our hectic day-to-day lives we're so absorbed in problems and activities that our faint voice of spirit is too often lost in daily noise.

Will You Be Celebrated for Random Acts of Kindness?

Will You Be Recognized Like Deputy Haley?

Probably not. Does it matter? I hope not.

In this polarized world, I hope you find it in your heart to make kindness a priority. 

For me, Deputy Haley's story is a reminder I can do more...

And I plan on doing more everyday to make our world a better place one kind act at a time.

Stephen Carter

Stress Solutions, LLC | www.EFT-MD.com | Podcast: www.MindOverStress.us

Feeling Thankful and Helping Others Do the Same

Listen to the podcast episode by clicking the player above. If you don't see a player, visit https://anchor.fm/make-the-world-a-better-place/episodes/Feeling-Thankful-and-Helping-Others-Do-the-Same-e2ki4s/a-a6kqj1

Recorded the day before Thanksgiving in the U.S., I share two things I'm grateful for that happened on that day: 

First, I share a summary of a session where I helped a client - herself a therapist - release fears associated with a medical condition along with eliminating any felt sense of physical pain. Secondly, I share my own feelings about receiving a message of appreciation from a client I worked with months ago.

Why I'm Feeling Thankful

My feelings of gratitude for the successful client session that day were magnified many times over as positive feelings created by receiving the note of thanks from a client I hadn't worked with for many months touched my heart and mind. 

How to Create Feelings of Thankfulness

I encourage you to take just a few moments and call, email, text, or - best of all - write a message of appreciation to someone who has touched your life for the better. They will be touched and grateful for your kindness.

As an added bonus, you will relive the positive memories associated with the person you're communicating with. You will feel wonderful as you make others feel wonderful because of your kindness.

Your thoughtful actions will truly, Make the World a Better Place.

To listen to other positive podcast episodes, visit www.MindOverStress.us

With light and blessings,

Stephen Carter

Stress Solutions, LLC | www.EFT-MD.com | Podcast: www.MindOverStress.us

How Going Above and Beyond Creates a Happier You and a Better World

I recently was touched by two Safeway Food Store people who went "above and beyond" to make my world - and this world - a better place. 

You'll meet both of these lovely people in this post. In addition, one of these people is featured in our most recent, "Make the World a Better Place" podcast episode. You can listen to that special episode at the end of this post.

Let's meet our "Above and Beyond" stars:

In our most recent episode of, "Make the World a Better Place" podcast, you'll meet a young Safeway Food checkout cashier who did exactly that. You can listen to that podcast episode below.

You'll also read below about an older gentleman who works in that same store's bakery who, a few weeks earlier, also went "above and beyond" and what you and I can learn about the power of "above and beyond" to create happiness and - yes - a truly better world.

The Safeway Shopping Story

Yesterday after entering a Safeway Food store to do some shopping, I first stopped by the bread section to purchase a special tasty Rosemary bread they bake in their stores. 

I made my selection and took it to the bread department's counter to have it sliced. There, I saw an employee I had talked with a few weeks earlier. 

During that earlier visit, this gentleman had gone "above and beyond". He was the only person in the department at the time. When I asked if he would slice the bread, he replied he was off the clock. He added he had stayed late on his own time to finish up some work he hadn't had a chance to finish during his working hours.

I said, "No problem", but something told me to continue our conversation. Over the next five minutes, I learned he was a retired auditor from a major city government and was working at Safeway part-time to keep busy. 

He also spent 10-years in the U.S. Army serving in several war zones. Tears started to fill his eyes when he told me about losing his wife to cancer just a year earlier. 

"I work", he said, "to keep my mind busy so I don't dwell on my lovely wife."

As we talked, he asked me to hand him the bread, which he deftly put through the slicer. As he handed back the now sliced bread, we finished our conversation and I continued shopping.

Fast Forward to This New Shopping Day

Fast forward to this second meeting. We again had a wonderful conversation as he completed the bread slicing task. We again talked briefly about his wife, but he seemed to be in much better spirits as he explained what household tasks he would be doing over his coming two days off.

After finishing our conversation, I moved on to the Deli section where I purchased turkey and ham. The lady behind the counter was smiling and pleasant.

The Problem Discovered

Having finished my shopping, I walked to the checkout area. As I placed my items on the belt, I noticed the tab that was supposed to slide and lock the baggie closed wasn't working. You couldn't close the plastic baggie to keep the turkey deli meat secure.

The cashier - a young lady about 19 years old - greeted me as she activated the belt to bring the items up for checkout. I mentioned we need to be careful about placing the meat plastic baggie in the checkout bag and pointed to the malfunctioning tab

She picked up the baggie, looked at the tab, and said, "Hm". She proceeded to test the closing tab a couple of times with no luck. She worked on the tab for about 20 or 30 seconds and then slid the tab to close the baggie. 

"Yes!" she proclaimed with a big grin.

I complemented the cashier, telling her how much I appreciate her persistence and willingness to fix the problem. Her face beamed as she said, "Thank you!".

"A small thing", you may say. And indeed it is. But she could have simply folded the plastic baggie over and put it in a grocery bag. 

The Power of "Above and Beyond"

Both of these two people - different in age and gender - are beautiful examples of how simple acts of kindness can change the emotions and energy for the better of those they touch. 

But here's another truth: going above and beyond creates positive emotions and energy for those who themselves go above and beyond. Going above and beyond is the gift that keeps on giving.

Actions that go above and beyond can be small and simple. Like the "Butterfly Effect", we may never know how our own above and beyond actions affect one person in the short term or thousands of people in the long term. It doesn't matter. Going above and beyond creates its own positive reward within the actor and the audience.

For me, I'm inspired to look for more ways to go above and beyond to help others every day. 

I hope you will join me.

Blessings and light,

Steve Carter | Stress Solutions, LLC | www.EFT-MD.com

"Make the World a Better Place" Podcast Episode:

If you don't see the player, click this direct listening URL link: http://bit.ly/2AEdrS1

P.S. To listen to other positive podcasts, visit http://MindOverStress.us 

Random Acts of Kindness Change You - and the World!

Yesterday I happened to stop by a Baltimore City McDonald's to get a cup of coffee. Rain was falling and the wind was brisk, so I hurried toward the door.

As I approached the building, I noticed a mostly empty can of cat food someone had left about 20 feet from the entrance. 

This act of kitty kindness caused me to stop and give a tip of my hat to the unknown person who cared enough about the well-being of one or more stray cats to provide food. It was simply a random act of kindness.

Seeing the evidence of that stranger's random act of kindness was touching. Even more important, I was reminded that I too have opportunities every day to make this world a better, happier place. 

We all in fact have opportunities to practice random acts of kindness. Offering a smile to someone you pass on the street; allowing another motorist to pull ahead of you in traffic; buying a cup of coffee or even a meal for someone homeless are just three examples.

I encourage you to offer random acts of kindness today - and tomorrow. These acts change your chemistry and feelings for the better...

They also change the world.

Blessings,

Steve

Stephen Carter Stress Solutions, LLC p:804-677-6772 | e:CarterMethod@gmail.com | w:http://www.EFT-MD.com

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